Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my liver is dry heaving
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
