you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
