Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
