I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need water and some morals
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
