BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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