I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
