i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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