i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
