they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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