The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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