Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
