Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
