we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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