So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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