I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
