Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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