distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
