Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
FUCK WHALES
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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