That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
