White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
