I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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