every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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