Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
