I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
