THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
