I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
