we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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