Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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