We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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