whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
