getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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