I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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