Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
