Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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