Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
