omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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