I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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