Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
