My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
