Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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