Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
