Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
