I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
being pregnant is like rehab
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
