I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
