It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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