Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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