I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
