i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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