Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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