Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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